Bertha does barns
by Minne-My
Summary: Serena is bored hearing about barns. So she turns it to her advantage while she can


**Inspiration taken from this Twitter page:** **/barnsaregood/status/1049953675307814913**

Bernie's distraction today was exceedingly irritating. She was never one to focus on paperwork but today she was being extra slow.

'What is it now?'

Bernie looked at her vaguely.

'Something's bothering you.'

Bernie huffed in embarrassment. 'It's silly.'

'You have my full undivided attention.' Serena sipped from her coffee cup like a Bond villain.

'Well I clicked on something I shouldn't have last night.'

It was either hacking or porn. Serena hoped it was porn. More her kind of thing.

'Well on searching for the history of the barn….'

She rambled on. Serena tuned her out slightly because this pet project on the only surviving Victorian barn in Holby made a bore out of her darling Bernie. She had an interest in history and architecture which didn't discriminate. Unfortunately for Serena. She tolerated some more waffle and then cut in to ask the point.

'Well I saw this series of documentaries about it called _Bertha does barns_.'

Sounded legit. One of the occupants of the barn in the olden days had indeed been called Bertha. Bertha something. Whatever.

'Well I downloaded the series and it turns out it was porn. Someone dressed a Victorian wench and a…cast of a few, well…'

'Get up to all sorts in the barn?' Serena replied, delicately.

'Well it was filmed in the barn!'

Bernie's indignant face was endearing. She looked confused when she saw the amusement on her colleague's face.

'Think of it as a historical re-enactment.'

'Hardly that!'

'Well it was a brothel at one point.'

'Yes but…that's not actually the kind of history I was expecting to find' she protested. Serena grinned and tossed her cup in the bin.

'I could have told you it was low rate porn. I _have_ watched it.'

'What?' Bernie couldn't believe her ears.

'What bit did you get up to?'

Bernie's face flushed.

'I forwarded through a lot before I realised it was straight up porn.'

'Not quite' Serena murmured. Bernie wasn't sure what to make of that.

'Did you get to the bit where the landlord and Bertha…'

'Oh my God Serena, stop. I really don't need to know.'

Bernie hated feeling like a prude but the knowledge that Serena watched porn made her think things about her colleague that were totally inappropriate. Like wanting to know what was on her list. She pushed that thought away and hid her red face in a pile of papers to avoid seeing that expression on Serena's face. After another minute of failing to do any work, Bernie glanced up again to see Serena look at her in a way she never had before. It was quite disconcerting and rather thrilling. It felt like they were on the verge of something just within reach when the spell was broken. Serena started laughing and Bernie buried her head again with a growl, wishing that the ground would open up and let her sink into the depths.

* * *

Well, that was certainly enlightening, Bernie thought the next morning, catching Serena up in the carpark. She should have been terrified that Serena had promised her a cosy night in (normally spent at her house with Jason making them watch _The_ _World's Strongest Man_ ) and had in fact, driven her to the barn after work so she could look at it again. Serena wasn't normally so magnanimous about the barn. After last night, Bernie now knew her plan. She'd wasted time in denying herself it seemed because once she'd finished noting all the intricacies of the barn, Serena had pulled her into her orbit by the collar and had proceeded to give Bernie a recap of what Bertha had done with the barmaid, if she'd watched long enough. Which she knew Bernie hadn't. Bernie was full of admiration for the woman who could adapt to any environment as long as two bodies could smush together satisfyingly.

'Perhaps, er, we could just keep it between us that we ended up at the barn last night.'

Bernie stared at her and Serena felt like she needed to explain.

'The hospital rumour mill.'

Bernie nodded in comprehension. If anyone had known that they had been frolicking in the hay last night, their professional reputations would be ruined. And they could get prosecuted for trespassing on someone else's property, let alone possible destroying of the barn. There were moments when she thought the shelf would give way under them. They'd have a hard time trying to explain that to the current owner of the barn.

'But can we…?'

'Discuss this in our office' Serena cut in.

'Ok. But can we…?'

Serena turned to see a puppy-eyed pleading in her co-lead's eyes.

'That depends. Are you done with the barn?'

'Oh yes.'

'Then we have something to discuss.'

Bernie felt like her chest would explode with hope.

'And if I wasn't done with the barn?' She asked slyly.

Serena flashed her a smile that meant more lipstick marks on the inside of her thighs. It made her feel tingly. It looked like Bernie's previously stuttering libido could actually, as her ex-husband had wrongly predicted, be revved up. It was the little things in life that mattered, she thought happily as they reached their office and Serena slammed the door behind them, promising another cosy night in tonight, this time in her own house with central heating. It turned out that Jason was away until Thursday. All of a sudden Bernie couldn't wait to find out what happened in the next chapter of _Bertha does barns_ , Serena style.


End file.
